Pull Me Through

if you don't keep your eye on the ball it'll hit you smack in the face.

and boy does it hurt.

i've just cracked open a bottle of wine and intend to stare into it later this evening and see that round glass bottom staring back at me.

ever have one of of those nights my dear trish?

well i've managed to fuck a few things up in the past couple months and it all came to a head today. and so here i sit listening to the comfort that is blue rodeo wishing more than anything else that i could transport myself to a tim's, coffee in hand with you sitting across from me with a look of concern and support on your face. and since i haven't mastered the talent of teletransportation i settle for jim cuddy and company because it makes me feel like you're here with me. and that's what i need right now, my oldest, most loyal friend at my side.

worried? don't be. i'll live. i just need to escape tonight. be numb. curse myself tomorrow morning. reflect tomorrow afternoon. perhaps curse my situation tomorrow night and hit the hot springs on sunday morning and get back to 'normal' on monday morning. that's the plan anyway. the guzzling of another bottle of wine might be thrown in somewhere in there. i reserve that right.

the fucking sarah mclachlan blue rodeo mix KILLS me man. KILLS me. blue fucking rodeo man. does anyone else besides us, appreciate the genius?

oh tossing and turning like waves in the sea, you show myself to me, you lie so easily, oh but that's the way you come to me, i'm head over heels and I'm always going to be, thats ok i love the way you come to me.

i won't tell you how many times i listened to that portion of the song to transcribe it. i believe i can now officially say that i'm drunk. i'm not quoting from the sarah m blue rodeo combo btw. but of course you know that my dear trish. i've now gotten wise and looked up the lyrics on the web. getting drunker by the second.

we both done things i know we can't defend, what's the use of tracing it all back to the start, there's something missing in the end, i wish we could find the words to look the other way, be careful of the things we do, and watch the things we say, maybe then we'd get somewhere, we've never been before...

only you my dear trish, (well other b.r. fans as well, but i'm not addressing them) could identify the songs i'm quoting. and you know i expect you to identify each and every one i quote. and when we chat on the phone you'll know why i've quoted the passages i have.

there's a certain joy in wallowing isn't there? who shall i move onto? only have a limited amount of the b.r.

One heart one love, two people who can't rise above, each time we fall, don't know what I could be dreaming of, don't say it's so, don't say it's so, let me be the last to know

god this is one of my favorites. i believe i'm repeating songs. but i can't be sure. what's your favorite blue rodeo song? i'm speaking of 'rain on me' by the way.

but then there's is alway this song. back to the sarah + b.r.

what is this love, that i leave behind? how can i turn from the tears in your eyes? what is this world that we always pretend that it's worth it, worth it in the end?

and now i'm on to sarah. fumbling toward ecstacy. you're not a sarah fan, are you my trish?

ok now i'm on to the truly depressing music: james blunt. goodbye my lover. perhaps i shouldn't be listening to this? ah what the fuck. i have one more full glass of wine to enjoy and then i either break into the sake i have tucked away or fall into bed full clothed. we shall see, ne.

ok christ. collide. howie day. are you with me trish? perhaps the song i could listen to over and over and over again.

just poured the last of my wine into my glass. shall i stare into the bottom now? or wait until my glass is empty? i think i'll wait until the last of the wine is down to do the staring.

on to more canadian music. nickelback. figured you out. just because it's raunch and direct. and reminds me of buffy and spike.

i'm too drunk now to read into any of the lyrics. but just to keep you posted on to 'stay' but lisa leob

which led me somehow to a 'party of five' video that made me sob. and then from party of five to third eye blind 'how's it going to be'. and now usher. i don't know. how i make the connection from one to the other. i just did.

it's time for bed soon. i'm not sure i can finish my last glass of wine.

feeling kind of sick. i think the night is over.

hope you enjoyed joanne's night of escape.

i'll fill you in on the back story soon, my friend.

love j

i think it's the falling into bed fully clothed option that going to win out.